May 31, 2012.

I wish I could just forget it ever happened. Forget you, forget the memories, forget us. But I guess it doesn’t work that way because every time I find myself smiling or laughing, it makes me think of you, and everything we have been through together. I wish it didn’t because as soon as I smile, I want to cry. But I tell myself not to. I tell myself that I should move on, and stop caring about it, stop caring about how much you hurt me, how much you are hurting yourself, and how much I still love you, but I can’t. So I have learned to stop smiling, because with the smile, come the tears, and those I can’t handle. The only times I ever let them through is when I’m home, in bed. Then I let them come. They takeover everything good, and all I’m left with is the bad, and the never ceasing tears, through which my hatred, confusion and love pours. I guess the worst part of it all, is that I still have to face you everyday, force a smile on my face, and pretend I’m fine, all the while, my heart shatters inside.